Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Do I really have to?

I've reached a place of crossing paths in my life. You see, I always wanted to be someone's "someone special" and when I try that it becomes rapidly apparent I shouldn't be. Counting only adultish relationships, I had 4 consecutive relationships, the last ending after 8.5 years - then 4 more of a more sporadic variety. I'm worn out in the heart department. So much that even though I have a couple of people who care greatly for me - I want to be single.

These people already know this. I suppose I am, in part, writing it to confirm it as such.

Those who have read my previous entries about "The Lost Love" will probably not be surprised to hear exactly how over "love" I really am.

Here's the kinds of playmates I want - in order of preference:

1. A queer bio-female, gender fluid is good. Queer Sex=YES
2. A really pretty lesbian (my definition may surprise you, but that's another day) who flatters me incessantly while I get to play with her endlessly.
3. A particular breed of bio-man who likes to play with me a whole lot in some queerish ways, even when he's already "done."
{Safer sex with all please}

The problem:
I can't find one of these people without The L Words: Like, longing, love. Bleh.

Does this really make me so awful? A 31 year old sexual woman who has had raging hormones for just about 2 years now after one failed relationship after another who wants to just have great sex?

Some would call me a slut. I don't particularly care. That word doesn't carry any real meaning to me.

Some have called me a playa. I don't think so. I'm - and they'll all tell you - VERY HONEST about my position in life right now and how I feel about everything.

What's a girl to do?
Become celibate?
Really?
Do I have to?

4 comments:

B

"Slut" is a word people use when they are uncomfortable with a woman's sexuality, often because their own sexual side is repressed to the point of near-non-existence.

Eliot

Or you can embrace the word "slut" like some of us do. You're not awful, and yes, you may go through involuntary celibacy for a time. But be patient--I'm sure something will come your way. :-)

Anonymous

Have you seen the research that shows that great sex can actually force people apart? It sounds totally crazy, but it has to do with dopamine and the brain's reward chemistry. For a sensitive web site that is backed by research, visit http://www.reunitng.info or read the book "Cupid's Poison Arrow".

In a nutshell, the message is to balance orgasms with cuddling, non-orgasmic intimacy. That leads your brain to release oxytocin (the cuddling hormone) instead of dopamine.

sxychikadee

In response to Anon:
The link didn't work for me - but I'd be interested in reading that research. :)

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