Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Struggle

I'm haunted by a love that apparently isn't going to die. Just when I think it has faded, things start happening again that appear to be some sort of cosmic torture methods to stir the love around in my heart. Songs that are out of place, names of people, phrases that I've never heard anyone else say, and more all start popping up randomly one right after the other. 2 months went by with nothing, then it started again.

I've come to the conclusion that all I can do is live the life I have today, without thinking about what may come in the future. Still, I wonder that I am doing the right thing. Yes, I am living my personal life in a way that feels very natural and amazing - yet, I cannot really give my heart to those who want it. It seems like a betrayal. I'm told there is a lot of patience, but what the teller doesn't seem to realize is that's what they've all said. And yes, it is a "different" situation at this moment, but they've all been "different" in one way or another.




What am I supposed to do? I can't put my life on hold, refuse to date, and just wait to see what happens. I'm not afraid of being alone, I just don't believe people are meant to "pine away" for years and years for something that could easily not be real to the other person.


I'm sorry. To both of you. And to those of you who fell at the mercy of my heart in the last few months. I'm not trying to make this happen. It just keeps happening.




Sometimes in the quiet night, I still hear you
Sometimes in the sun's pure light, I still feel you

Not wishing with you I could stay
Not wishing you would go away

Wondering if you think of me too
Wondering who gets to be close to you

Knowing now is not the time
Knowing my heart is far from prime

Existing for today, and maybe tomorrow
All the while with heavy sorrow

2 comments:

syntax

"I cannot really give my heart to those who want it"

Those who want your heart are not always those who deserve it. For now, you deserve to nourish yourself. I wish you the best in trying to find what is right for you and those connected to you. <3

Eliot

Wishing the best for you, sugar. *hug*

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