Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Answer

For months I've wondered, searching for meaning in this constant tug of my heart. A tug that pulls me toward a love that is not for this time, not for these circumstances. This pain has lain upon my heart for more than many moons.

My dear friend tells me "God does not lay something so strongly in your heart for it to be ignored." All thoughts of religion and faith aside, I agree. I don't think people hold such powerfully strong feelings for no reason. I thought these feelings were telling me to hold on: that the time would one day be right.

I did not know how the person of this affection felt for me in this time. I just knew there had to be some greater reason I would still love someone so much, all the while knowing I cannot pursue that love at this point in my life.

I did not put my life on hold, rather, I worked around the overwhelming loss as if it were only temporary. For all my life I dreamed of such a love, so my heart could not comprehend it would have no eventual value.

Now I've been told by this person that my feelings are for naught. There is no dream to hold, no reason to love.

I feel I am destined to never love with such passion again. As time passes, it becomes more and more obvious that my feeble attempts to open my heart are only hurting those around me.

I see how people become bitter. For what is the purpose of this suffering? To make me cold, to isolate me from any potential of knowing again the warmth of such a love? To cause me to refocus my life, filling it with every possible distraction to drown out the noise of a love lost?

In searching for one answer, I've been left with many more questions that have no answers.

2 comments:

Roland Hulme

Such a sad blog post.... Hope your mood is sunnier now.

Kyle

be patient with yourself and life. things will get better. there must be an even better, righter love awaiting you in the future.

Blogger template 'Purple Mania' by Ourblogtemplates.com 2008

Jump to TOP