Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Loved with Secrets

Yesterday I got home from a 6 day trip with my children and my aunt to see her brother and his wife. My aunt lives here in my home small town and the uncle/wife live about 300 miles away.

My aunt, R, is an ultraconservative woman with strong Christian convictions. She is very well educated and very well read of the Bible. She is loving, kind and generous. We do not always agree on things, but she is respectful of our differences.

M's wife, E, is a child and family counselor. She has published 3 books while working for various state, private and charitable organizations. She is witty and compassionate. E has been married to M for about 19 years.

My uncle, M, has a PhD. in special education and directs one of the largest special education school districts in the country. He taught me from an early age to appreciate those with special needs as unique individuals. He is also well traveled around the world, and once met Gandhi's wife while living on a commune in India. He is more of a father to me than his brother has ever been.

I have never told R about my sexual orientation, and I don't really think she has any ideas about it. I assume she will find out one day and I hope it doesn't made her truly sad and worried for me. She did actually meet my ex-girlfriend at a family gathering I hosted, but I'm not so sure she understood what was going on. She was really there for me when I had to leave my ex-husband. Still, she would think I have been possessed or am intoxicated constantly if she knew.

I decided before this trip that I would tell M and his wife E about my sexual orientation. I wanted ask E for her advice on dealing with my ex-husband. He makes inappropriate sexually charged statements. He has also been condescending and making small threats about my romantic relationship. It is difficult to handle.

E and I went for a walk while R & M took kids to the movies. I told her a lot. More than I thought I would. I explained what it was like to have crushes on girls and women when I didn't know anyone that did. I revealed private emotional reasons I have about why I have made some big mistakes while not being who I really am.

She told me that families shouldn't have secrets. She then made a point to tell me about many GL friends she has. Considering her location is another southern state close to mine, she has quite a few non-straight friends.

At one point in our discussion, I told E about my current partner - a FTM. She said she didn't really understand why I would be attracted to a male when I had just told her I am much more attracted to women than men. She paused, smiled and said, "But it doesn't really matter if I understand." She was wonderful.

I told E she could tell M about our discussion, and that I would talk to him about it myself if I had the chance. I didn't have the chance and I wasn't sure she told him until...

The morning we were to leave, he came to me away from everyone else and said

I am so proud of you. I will love you no matter who you are or who you love. You are a wonderful mother and person. You are doing a great job with your children.


I am so blessed.

E is right:
Families shouldn't have secrets.

6 comments:

Miss KissThis

How wonderful of your uncle. I would love to see a world full of more people like him.

Hopefully, when the time comes that your aunt finds out, she will realize her love for you is what matters, not anything else.

A Strange Boy

M and E are awesome. I'm so proud of you.

BB

This is so wonderful, it honestly brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, the love of our family is stronger than we think.

Zed

Wow, that is so beautiful. You are indeed blessed.

saintchick

This is great for you to be able to be so open and honest with them. Like my "strange boy" said they are awesome!

Adriana

I'm glad that worked out for you!

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