Wednesday, March 25, 2009

No HNT This Week Folks...

I'm taking a break from HNT this week. I have lots of great pictures I could use, but until I complete my first video review I REFUSE to use a weekly tag just to have a blog subject. Oh wait, I just did that anyway! :P

My first video review... well... I am a perfectionist and I can't get it just right. We'll see.

In the mean time, go ahead and




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Thursday, March 19, 2009

HNT - 1st Yard Work of the Year

I love to work in my yard. Yesterday it was sunny and in the 70's. I viciously killed an out-of-control privet shrub that was trying it's hardest to suffocate my beautiful forsythia. The privet must have been growing there for at least 4 years - well before I moved in. It took almost 3 hours, but that bastard is dead.

It was my first day of working outside this calendar year, so I got a little red on my neck and shoulders. Had I taken this picture last night it would have looked like an actual sunburn.

My shoulders & upper back are actually my favorite part of my body. They are strong and with that strength I am able to accomplish lots of physically laborious tasks without the assistance of another.

So here is Number 9 of moving up my body HNT:




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Sunday, March 15, 2009

The First Time

It was so comfortable to snuggle, my back against you, as we watched the movie from the couch. I felt your soft caresses running up my arms and playing with my hair as I lounged in a state of semi-aware.

I must have drifted off because suddenly the ending credits were rolling and the music from them startled me. I instinctively thrust my hips back to keep from falling off the couch, and found you ready and waiting for me to wake up. Your hand immediately came from my waist to my breast, tracing my nipple through my tee shirt. I could barely open my eyes, lounging in the warmth of your touch through my haziness.

You turned me toward you just enough to kiss my lips. A kiss so gentle, and yet so passionate my toes curled. Your hand stroked the side of my face, coaxing my eyes open. I saw your brown eyes turn to amber as you whispered

I want to make love to you

Scooping me up, you carried me into the bedroom, gently placing me on the edge of the bed. You knelt at the bottom of the bed, taking off my socks, then pants - undressing me with joy brimming over in your eyes. You stood asking me "May I have this too?" I nodded as you slowly pulled my tee shirt over my head, leaving my exposed breasts and white cotton panties.

You gently took my chin in your hand, tilting my mouth to yours. My arms encircled your neck. Soft kisses full of love and desire went from my lips, to my neck, to my shoulders, to my breasts and down my stomach. Your knees were on the bed as you leaned over me.

Hold on to me baby.

With my arms wrapped around you, you shifted us both up the bed so that my head rested on a pile of pillows. You started kissing my neck again, trailing your tongue down to my nipples, tracing them slowly- savoring the taste of me. You found the top of my panties with your mouth, asking again "May I have these?" You slid my panties down my bent legs, tracing their path down my right leg with your tongue.

You knelt between my legs, tracing my wetness with a soft touch of your finger, your other hand tracing the curves of my chest and stomach, your eyes hypnotizing mine.

Your face came to mine, our lips brushing with eyes wide open. I pulled your shirt from you so I could feel your skin against mine. You rested there, on me, but not yet in me. Swirling memories of gentle kisses, whispers of adoration, feather touches on my skin, your breath on my face, the honesty of your eyes.

I welcomed you into me slowly, eyes connected, minds entangled. We moved together in the most natural of ways without haste or goals. Your eyes stayed with me with every thrust, one of my hands joined with yours, the other holding your face.

As the heat started traveling the length of my body, I saw your face flush and heard your breath quicken. In a solitary moment, everything that had seemed impossible was real. We felt our souls connect as our orgasms escaped, you giving me yourself in a way we didn't know could happen. The most beautiful moment of my sexual life.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

HNT - number 8

(of the series)


Up the chest to the neck(lace). H is not my initial... :)








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Confidence

Today I went to see a new counselor. Some of you know why. This was at the free clinic - well, at least I will probably qualify for it being free because of my low income. Anywho...

The counselor ran through about 12 or so pages of yes, no, or one-word answer questions. Not long after, "Do you have a history of depression in your family?" she asks


What is your sexual orientation?


I made a little face because I wasn't sure "queer" would be accurate from her own interpretation of it. She said, "You know like straight, gay, bisexual." Hmmmm Well....

"I'm queer and I say that because I am attracted to people that don't fall under the traditional labels of man or woman."

Her face reflected both confusion and a little panic. It wasn't fear - She just had absolutely no idea what to say.

She is a sweet woman who was kind and is probably going to be a great person to talk to about my "issues." But...let's be fair: I live in East Tennessee. Her apparently decent heart persona warranted a gentle explanation.

"You see, I am in a relationship with a male-identified person who is female-bodied."

She paused and processed momentarily, and turned to her desk to write some notes.



Thing is, I just came out to my uncle and his wife. They made a point to tell me how much they love me and always will no matter who I love. My immediate family (siblings, parents, older nieces/nephews) knows I'm not straight, but they don't all know about my new partner.

My mother does know. Today when we spoke she asked me a question about my partner and started to say "she", but then changed it to "he." Then she asked me which he prefers - which would "make him or her more comfortable." Again, I am so blessed.

So when the counselor asked me my "orientation", it didn't even occur to me to lie. See, at the end of the day I know the people who love me, love me for who I am. I don't lie about who I am to those I trust. Some betray that trust, but I forgive them - because at least I was being who I really am.

This confidence comes from not only being with a partner who wants me for the way I really am, but from my family's support and kindness.

So if you are with someone who wants you to change things about you that aren't necessary for your health, go find someone who really wants you.

And if someone in your family is "different", be sure to tell them how much you celebrate their differences and love them.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

3 of 3 HNT

The last of the little white lacy tank shots... the 7th shot of my "up my body" series.





I see more than 2 arms...




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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Loved with Secrets

Yesterday I got home from a 6 day trip with my children and my aunt to see her brother and his wife. My aunt lives here in my home small town and the uncle/wife live about 300 miles away.

My aunt, R, is an ultraconservative woman with strong Christian convictions. She is very well educated and very well read of the Bible. She is loving, kind and generous. We do not always agree on things, but she is respectful of our differences.

M's wife, E, is a child and family counselor. She has published 3 books while working for various state, private and charitable organizations. She is witty and compassionate. E has been married to M for about 19 years.

My uncle, M, has a PhD. in special education and directs one of the largest special education school districts in the country. He taught me from an early age to appreciate those with special needs as unique individuals. He is also well traveled around the world, and once met Gandhi's wife while living on a commune in India. He is more of a father to me than his brother has ever been.

I have never told R about my sexual orientation, and I don't really think she has any ideas about it. I assume she will find out one day and I hope it doesn't made her truly sad and worried for me. She did actually meet my ex-girlfriend at a family gathering I hosted, but I'm not so sure she understood what was going on. She was really there for me when I had to leave my ex-husband. Still, she would think I have been possessed or am intoxicated constantly if she knew.

I decided before this trip that I would tell M and his wife E about my sexual orientation. I wanted ask E for her advice on dealing with my ex-husband. He makes inappropriate sexually charged statements. He has also been condescending and making small threats about my romantic relationship. It is difficult to handle.

E and I went for a walk while R & M took kids to the movies. I told her a lot. More than I thought I would. I explained what it was like to have crushes on girls and women when I didn't know anyone that did. I revealed private emotional reasons I have about why I have made some big mistakes while not being who I really am.

She told me that families shouldn't have secrets. She then made a point to tell me about many GL friends she has. Considering her location is another southern state close to mine, she has quite a few non-straight friends.

At one point in our discussion, I told E about my current partner - a FTM. She said she didn't really understand why I would be attracted to a male when I had just told her I am much more attracted to women than men. She paused, smiled and said, "But it doesn't really matter if I understand." She was wonderful.

I told E she could tell M about our discussion, and that I would talk to him about it myself if I had the chance. I didn't have the chance and I wasn't sure she told him until...

The morning we were to leave, he came to me away from everyone else and said

I am so proud of you. I will love you no matter who you are or who you love. You are a wonderful mother and person. You are doing a great job with your children.


I am so blessed.

E is right:
Families shouldn't have secrets.

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