Thursday, December 17, 2009

Moving On

This blog is no longer a place where I can express myself without actual risk of harm to my "real life" personal relationships. That kinda sucks, but I was thinking about starting anew anyway.

The great irony is it is right around my first year anniversary for this blog.

So farewell for now. I have a new place to express myself, under a new pseudonym. If you follow me and would like that link, send me an email to sxychikadee@gmail.com and I'll probably give you the link as long as you don't have a personal relationship with me in "real life."

To my blogging, twitter, etc. buddies: Please help me shed this identity by taking my comments under my new name without deleting my old identity just yet. I have a couple of people in my life who want to make things hard for me so they will be looking for places where this name is gone and replaced with a new name...

geez, sex blogging is complicated!

Friday, October 16, 2009

Optimism

This post finds me feeling much better than the last - although the last still stands true. Thank you for the comments and I'm glad you liked the picture. :)

I finally got a job. I've been drawing unemployment for a year. This was, I believe, the 28th job application I sent out. This job doesn't pay what the unemployment did. It's part-time and I will still struggle financially. I think what I am paid is too high for the demand of the tasks. still

I feel so happy. The people are so upbeat and excited. The company is making an impact on the environment. This is the first time in probably 6 years that I have been happy at work.

So I am optimistic the other issues will resolve themselves soon.

Those who want more from me than I can give should know that I am telling the truth when I say it. There are more than one of them.

Sometimes you/I love someone who doesn't love you/me, while someone you/I don't love loves you/me. That sucks pretty bad. For everyone. still

I am really starting to feel good about my future as a single person.

Yes, I had some major philanthropic duty kind of dumped on me last night and I was overwhelmed.

Then I realized I have faith it will be ok.

I will hold onto this faith and not let the negative influences of others wear it down.

I will do the things that make me happy and feel good about them.

....oh and I'll probably have a pretty nice 'story' up for you soon.




Peace

Hate is not a Family Value

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Fuck You HNT

Lately I've remembered a few really important things:

1. I'm a smart woman who takes the time to inform herself about people who are different than she. Some people don't appreciate what it's like to grow up and live in a closed-minded community, so they'll never understand why others of us are not as "educated" about certain subjects as they allegedly are. Fuck you if you think I am anything other than open-minded and VERY accepting, because I am.

2. I've made a lot of really bad choices in life, but I've made some damn good ones too - really, really good ones. Fuck you if you don't like my choices. Go live your own life and make your own choices.

3. I don't owe you anything. You don't owe me anything. Some people want to rehash the past until it feels like the present. Fuck you if you can't realize the past is gone and you can't change the part you played.

I am no longer going to let those who are negative affect my life in any way. Take your negativity and go fuck yourself.

Yes I am more than a little sassy, but I care less than a little bit.



Want to see some uncovered boobs and help fight breast cancer - it's a WIN/WIN! Head over to Views from the Back Row for more info.

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Monday, September 28, 2009

MicroFantasy Monday - Frustration

There's no angle I can be to get deep enough in her. I've twisted and pulled her around the floor, and she has complied like a good girl, but still I cannot find the place I want to be. Deeper and deeper I push into her, her cries fall on deaf ears, not even coming close to what I need. Once again I flip her from her stomach to her back, but this time I shove 2 large throw pillows from the couch under her ass. Grabbing her ankles and spreading her wide, I take her again. Her shocked gasp is the first thing I hear as I feel the release coming.


Thanks Ang. Just the theme to get me back (?).


Sunday, September 27, 2009

A Safer Place

Right at 2 years ago I decided to quit trying to save my marriage. At that point, I had already moved out, but I was still "going home" on the weekends. I was doing everything I, my ex father-in-law, or my therapist could think of to convince my husband to stop being a drug and alcohol addict and start being a husband and a father. I was loving him and he was pushing me away. Then one night he finally humiliated me to the point that I quit trying. Call me what you will, but after trying for over 3 years before giving up on an 8-year relationship, I don't consider myself a quitter.

I was heartbroken, but I had been for so long it wasn't a new feeling. He was so mean in so many ways I could write for years and never really get it all out. So I moved on.

It didn't work. I wielded a sword of love and sensuality that was too heavy for me. I loved someone who didn't really exist as I thought he did. Then someone loved me, but not me as I really exist. All in all the sum total of my efforts to move on have left me and several others more damaged than healed.

I'm so angry right now. Angry at my ex for abusing me and never appreciating me, angry at those since then who have demanded more from me than I could give, but mostly I am angry at myself.

Why was I so foolish? Why did I spend so many of my formative adult years trying to get someone to love me? Why did I have children with that person - children that will never know what it is like to have both their parents living in the same house?

I can't change what happened and I mustn't forget this anger I am feeling right now. I have to remember that I could have prevented all of this had I just known my own worth, instead of relying on the approval of others to find it.

I have no business engaging anyone in anything beyond simple sexual pleasure. Since pretty much every time I try to "just have sex" someone gets hurt, I guess that has to be off the table too.

I used to be such a loving person. I used to feel so much compassion for people. Now I am angry and bitter. It's time to face it and just accept that I can't love any more. I don't know how people ever get past being this angry and I don't know that I want to find out.

The rest of you can have your "love", my choice of emotion is anger. It will protect me.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

HNT - Games





This actually from a beach trip earlier this summer. I came across it today unexpectedly. That mark on my arm is from my arm being across the laptop power cord, getting addicted to a time-management game while my kids slept! Silly me. I really love those games...








Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Seducing Me

The way your fingers trail up my arm, slowly, but with purpose.

The slight tilt of your head as you look down at me.

The smell of you, as only you smell.

The intensity of your gaze into my eyes.

The feel of your chest rising and falling over your heartbeat.

The times when you almost kiss me, but don't; instead pulling me into your arms.

The strength of your arms as they pull me in.

The way you keep your eyes open as you lean closer to me.


Your hand stroking the back of my neck.

Your tiny bit of hesitation when our lips meet.

Your fierce kiss that always follows.


With everything you are, you seduce me.
Even though I don't want it.

Friday, July 24, 2009

Closure

Dear Lost Love:

My heart has ached for you for almost a year now. Some days it hurt so much I felt like I couldn't bear to breathe. Other days it was more like remembering a loved one who died a while ago - just a moment of silence in sadness. Now days it falls between the two - a dull ache that never really goes away - the pain of missing someone from my life who meant a great deal to me.

I still have moments when I smell you in the wind and wonder if you are thinking of me too. I see things I know you would love and I want to get them for you. I still miss your children and I wish you could see the ways mine have changed since you last saw them.

It is highly unlikely you will ever read this as I know you have a disdain for my interest in public airing of my personal feelings. This is really more for me than you anyway.

As it turns out, you don't really know me. Almost every day I do/say/feel something that you wouldn't expect or "approve".

Thing is: I'm more ME than I've ever been in my life. I get to dress the way I please without scrutiny, hang out with my friends without jealousy, and go about my life doing the things that make me happy. When I was with you, I was so worried about your approval I gave up going out dancing and even seeing certain friends because I was so anxious to gain your approval. I would blame it on your insecurities, but actually it was my own insecurities. Had I been more secure (as I am now), I would have gone ahead and done the things I love and let you go if you wanted to go.

I have finally realized why it's been so hard to let go of you. It is because I don't know if what we had was real outside my own mind. Were you lying to me the whole time, or was I just that delusional? The love I felt for you was like nothing else I'd ever known, and I thought you felt the same way.

If you didn't love me like that, I would like to know because then I could be even more cautious in my interpretations of love-like actions of others. If you did love me that way, then I can just be happy knowing I wasn't being completely insane in thinking so. Either way, it would be nice to know, but I doubt you'll ever have the heart to tell me.

Maybe someday I will get to talk to you and you will let me have the closure I need. Maybe not. Or just maybe we will meet again by chance and that moment will be just as electric as the first moment we met - except I will know you will never accept me for who I really am.

You're breaking the girl

Thursday, July 16, 2009

HNT - The Other Kiss

This kiss was pretty sweet too.




That's the setting sun reflected in a mirror...


Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Monday, July 13, 2009

The Premier

From the supply closet I heard the janitor set the final locks. Peeking out to see he was gone, I loosened my suit jacket buttons, and took off my jet-black Christian Louboutin heels. As I crept toward the premier’s office, I heard a soft gasp and then a low moan. I glanced inside the next-door window to see the premier’s head of security relaxed in her office chair, hands working herself. Knowing getting caught would lead to foreign prison, I watched her strong hands rub her clit through her pantyhose. Her breaths became solid, her hips arching off the chair.

I pulled my eyes away and moved quickly toward the premier’s office. The keys, codes, and information led me straight to the files. As I scanned them with my keychain, I heard her say

You should’ve stayed to watch. Now I’ll really have to punish you.


Read more at The Sweltering Celt.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

HNT - Passion




...it was an amazing kiss.



Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Monday, July 6, 2009

MicroFantasy Monday - Sleep

As usual, I felt you move against me, cuddling up to my back as I slept - but this time I felt something more. As you entered me from behind, I reached down to trace circles on my clit. You moved slowly, but with deliberation and in that way that gets me every time. I felt the warmth building in me as I rubbed myself faster and harder. My orgasm washed over me like warm water, and just as the waves subsided I woke up... and realized you weren't even there.


Read more at The Sweltering Celt.

Friday, July 3, 2009

Shame on You

First I must disclose that I have permission to write this post.

Recently a friend of mine who started coming out as transitioning from female to male told his mother about it.

The mother's first reaction: "I don't want to know anything about it." & "I don't care what you say, you'll always be my daughter." These reactions aren't too surprising and I think are probably quite popular, unfortunately.

A few weeks later the discussion is continued. This time the mother declared that it is "socially acceptable" to be a lesbian, but not to transition. She illustrated her point by stating something like "I mean, I would like to do heroin, but I don't - I drink because it's the socially acceptable thing to do."

This is one of the most screwed up things I've ever heard.

I'm grateful that I know no matter who my children are, I will love them and accept them. I'm also grateful that's not my mother. She should be ashamed.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

HNT - Party Dress

One of my FAVORITE party dresses. Meets the most important qualifications: purple and sparkling!




In fact, after wearing it, there was purple glitter everywhere... I do mean everywhere :)






Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Wednesday, July 1, 2009

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

`Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.

I attended Pride 2009 in Knoxville last weekend. It was my first Pride. Apparently it was quite a turn-out, although I was disappointed with the small crowd.

Mostly though, I was very disheartened that I didn't seem to fit in there either. And by "either", I mean - yet again - I don't fit in. Every eye that met mine was met with a smile. Every single one. I wore a smile all day because I really was SO happy to be there. Still, 90% of smiles I gave were met with looks of scorn; dubious "What are YOU doing here?" type looks usually. Or else the recipient of my smile just looked away as if I had bothered him/her. Well, let's be honest here: I am talking about the women. The men (gay) that I smiled at or interacted with ALL smiled and thought I was "the cutest little lipstick" they'd ever seen. But I wasn't there to find a place in the gay-male crowd.

For the record: I even toned-down my femme, opting for Converse (low cut pink ones, but still) instead of my usual heels, low make-up level, and just ONE piece of jewelry which was very simple. In fact, I wore not one sparkling thing!

It's a struggle: to be who you really are, only to find that person doesn't have a place to belong outside a couple of close friends. Don't get me wrong - I am eternally grateful for the friends I have that DO accept who I really am. It's just that I, like everyone else in the world, want to be able to feel like there are people like ME out there.

Sure the Internets are full of people similar to me - and people who would accept me in daily life were we not hundreds or thousands of miles from each other physically. I am also grateful I've found that acceptance, but it is bittersweet as I know that is not enough for me and I will most likely never meet those people.

I've cried since then - a LOT. More than I have in a very long time. This sense of rejection has cut me so deep I'm starting to wonder if I should ask my doctor for an increase in medication for a while. My physical health is suffering too. The last 4 days have seemed like one long journey back into my own personal cave - away from the possibility of rejection.

My reaction is to flee straight into the arms of someone who really accepts me, for all my femininity and queerness both. I don't know where this will lead, and I'm trying really hard not to think about it. (Then I watched the Sex & the City movie and I wanted to get married. WTF? Maybe that's just that movie.) But either way, when I am with him I feel accepted and right now that's what I need.

Growing up, I read and reread Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. I always identified with poor Alice, who only wanted to make sense of things and get back to being herself. I recently recalled this passage:

It was so long since she had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual. `Come, there's half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes are! I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to another! However, I've got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be done, I wonder?'

That's where I am right now: Finding myself exactly the right size, yet unsure of what I'll be from one day to the next, just wanting to get into the beautiful garden of acceptance.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

HNT - White

I love to prepare for playdates. I take a nice hot shower, shave my legs and pussy smooth, then cover my body in baby oil so that it's nice and slick. I keep all my pretty lingerie in one drawer so that when I open it there is a lovely array of colors and styles - and lots of lace.

With all those choices I still find this little white set to be one of my favorites.



Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Do I really have to?

I've reached a place of crossing paths in my life. You see, I always wanted to be someone's "someone special" and when I try that it becomes rapidly apparent I shouldn't be. Counting only adultish relationships, I had 4 consecutive relationships, the last ending after 8.5 years - then 4 more of a more sporadic variety. I'm worn out in the heart department. So much that even though I have a couple of people who care greatly for me - I want to be single.

These people already know this. I suppose I am, in part, writing it to confirm it as such.

Those who have read my previous entries about "The Lost Love" will probably not be surprised to hear exactly how over "love" I really am.

Here's the kinds of playmates I want - in order of preference:

1. A queer bio-female, gender fluid is good. Queer Sex=YES
2. A really pretty lesbian (my definition may surprise you, but that's another day) who flatters me incessantly while I get to play with her endlessly.
3. A particular breed of bio-man who likes to play with me a whole lot in some queerish ways, even when he's already "done."
{Safer sex with all please}

The problem:
I can't find one of these people without The L Words: Like, longing, love. Bleh.

Does this really make me so awful? A 31 year old sexual woman who has had raging hormones for just about 2 years now after one failed relationship after another who wants to just have great sex?

Some would call me a slut. I don't particularly care. That word doesn't carry any real meaning to me.

Some have called me a playa. I don't think so. I'm - and they'll all tell you - VERY HONEST about my position in life right now and how I feel about everything.

What's a girl to do?
Become celibate?
Really?
Do I have to?

HNT - beach souvenir


So I've been away for a while - at least in the world of bloggers. I went to the beach with my kids & best friend. It was exhausting, but lots of fun still.

I'm not usually prone to buying kitchy things at the beach, but I couldn't resist buying this heart shaped necklace containing a purple flower and a grain of rice with the names of my children written on it. Cheezy, yes.

But look at my awesome purple tank top shot I got... complete with sweat & deo stains, fresh off a walk on the boardwalk.

Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Thursday, May 28, 2009

ATTN Reviewers - Beware of Vimeo

Attn Sex Toy Reviewers:
Please carefully consider whether to continue to host your videos at Vimeo. Here are the emails I received/sent to Vimeo regarding my account:

Dear sxy chikadee:

Your account has been removed by the Vimeo Staff for violating the Rules of Vimeo.com


Reason: Uploading videos that contain pornography or sexually explicit material.


We hope you find a video host more suited to your needs. If you believe this was an error, please reply to this email in a civil manner with your reasoning ("I see other people do it" is not a valid reason).
Regards,
Vimeo



To which I promptly responded (in my oh-so-legal-mind way:

Dear Sir or Madam:


I uploaded 3 videos to Vimeo, 1 of which was simply a slide show of pictures of my eyes, the other 2 were of reviews of vibrators. There was absolutely NO pornography in any of the videos I uploaded.



The 2 vibrator review videos had technical language referring to female anatomy, but otherwise would have been rated PG by any third-party evaluator concerning the words used during the reviews. The 2 review videos did not show the vibrators being used on a person, animal or thing.



You state the reason my account was deleted was for "Uploading videos that contain pornography or sexually explicit material."



As of the moment I send this message, your guidelines state:
"No sexually illicit material or porn. Non-sexual nudity is okay."


I'll address both "explicit" and "illicit" as they are not the same thing.



1. Per your published guidelines: "No sexually illicit material"
The definition of "illicit", as provided by Merriam-Webster, is "unlawful". None of the material I uploaded was sexually unlawful in any manner, even in the ultra-conservative state of Tennessee in which I live.



2. Per your email to me "...contain...sexually explicit material"
The definitions of "explicit" as provided by Merriam-Webster:
1 a. fully revealed or expressed without vagueness, implication, or ambiguity leaving no question as to meaning or intent b.open in the depiction of nudity or sexuality, explicit books and films
2 fully developed or formulated explicit notion of our objective
3 unambiguous in expression explicit on how we are to behave, defined by an expression containing only independent variable



I believe the definition you are searching to apply to my videos is "open in the depiction of nudity or sexuality". None of my videos had nudity of ANY kind, nor did they contain verbal or visual depictions of sexuality.



Although you said not to say "other people are doing it" - I find your particular censorship of MY videos somewhat amusing as a simple search for "sex toy reviews" on your site brings up 82 videos, most of which are even more "descriptive" than the videos I posted.



Seriously? I'm guessing you have some sort of automated system for these decisions, but maybe a person should actually LOOK at the videos before these actions are taken.




And they said:



Hello,


I have reviewed your account and I agree that the videos you uploaded were not sexually explicit. However, it is apparent that you are both reviewing products from Edenfantasys.com and featuring them as a sponsor on your blog, with an affiliate link, therefore these videos are commercial use, which is not allowed on Vimeo.


I have restored your account and the video of your eyes. You are welcome to upload reviews of products that you do not profit from.


Best wishes,
(Name of person - email me if you want it)
Community Director - Vimeo.com



And I asked:


Just to clarify:


If I had not placed a link to my personal blog in the description those videos would NOT have been considered commercials?


The reason I ask is because I do see many sex toy reviewers using Vimeo and listing their personal blogs within the video (as part of the credits, etc.), but not within the written description. All of those bloggers have affiliate banners for various companies on their personal blogs.



The response:

Vimeo is for noncommercial use only, so you may not use your videos in a commercial manner. Posting reviews of products that you make money from as an affiliate is commercial activity. Do not base your use of Vimeo on other users who may be breaking the rules themselves. We have a small staff, over 1.5 million users, and we address as many policy violations as time allows.
Best wishes,
(Same Name of person)
Community Director - Vimeo.com




I actually can understand the reasoning to some extent, but really? First my material is too "explicit", and then when I pointed out it isn't, it's too "commercial"??

I only have ONE affiliate link on this blog at this time. For those of you that have more than one and multiple Vimeo uploads: watch out.

Thoughts on where to go next. Youtube maybe?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

HNT

The previous HNT series I started is hereby indefinitely postponed. Truth be told, the subject matter is not one I wish to include on my blog at this time.

Soo....

I went through some older pictures and found this one for your viewing pleasure. It may seem familiar if you've paid attention. :)





Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Microfantasy Monday - Balance

Between physical and emotional ailments of late, my "stories" haven't been given a voice. So here's a snippet of one that happens to fit perfectly with this week's MM theme. (Isn't it great when things work out that way)



Purse on the kitchen floor. Belt thrown down in the living room. Panties shed somewhere along the hallway. One knee on the side of the bed, the other leg extended - heel to the wall, resting on elbows...perfectly balanced with my dress sliding down my back.



Like this? Didn't? Either way - there are some great ones to be found at Ang's. Go check them out.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Coming Up

Last night I got home from an inpatient stay in a hospital. I was admitted Sunday evening with symptoms similar to those of a seizure/stroke. The right side of my body suffered extreme weakness (useless hand and legs) and numbness. I could not walk, use my right hand, or even hear clearly out of my right ear. These symptoms have mostly subsided, although I am left with a definite weakness on my right side. The official diagnosis is "unexplained neurological event" - which basically means "we don't know what happened to you." As I had a TIA in 2003 and have a strong family history of stroke, I will be taking small doses of aspirin daily now. I will also be going to phsyical and occupational therapy for a little bit.

One of the tests I had was an MRI of my head and neck, which lasted around 50 minutes. This type of MRI required me to be perfectly still in a noisy, VERY confined space for the entire test. I also had several other tests of this nature and spent the rest of the hospital time confined to a bed. Suffice it to say I had lots of time to think.

I was scared I would never see my children again. Scared I wouldn't complete the goals in my life of which I have always dreamed. Mostly though - I realized I have been wasting a lot of energy and need to refocus on those things in my life which make me happy, instead of the sadness that sometimes lingers with me.

Lots of things make me happy: children, friends, sunshine, the beach (upcoming vacation) and of course, sex!

I've been given the opportunity to write reviews of some really great sex toy/product for EdenFantasys, Sweet and Sinful (for Intimate Organics), and Sportsheets (courtesy of a contest sponsored by Bubbzy) . So there will be lots of reviews coming up, and just maybe....

some pictures and "stories" to go with them

:)

Sunday, April 26, 2009

The Answer

For months I've wondered, searching for meaning in this constant tug of my heart. A tug that pulls me toward a love that is not for this time, not for these circumstances. This pain has lain upon my heart for more than many moons.

My dear friend tells me "God does not lay something so strongly in your heart for it to be ignored." All thoughts of religion and faith aside, I agree. I don't think people hold such powerfully strong feelings for no reason. I thought these feelings were telling me to hold on: that the time would one day be right.

I did not know how the person of this affection felt for me in this time. I just knew there had to be some greater reason I would still love someone so much, all the while knowing I cannot pursue that love at this point in my life.

I did not put my life on hold, rather, I worked around the overwhelming loss as if it were only temporary. For all my life I dreamed of such a love, so my heart could not comprehend it would have no eventual value.

Now I've been told by this person that my feelings are for naught. There is no dream to hold, no reason to love.

I feel I am destined to never love with such passion again. As time passes, it becomes more and more obvious that my feeble attempts to open my heart are only hurting those around me.

I see how people become bitter. For what is the purpose of this suffering? To make me cold, to isolate me from any potential of knowing again the warmth of such a love? To cause me to refocus my life, filling it with every possible distraction to drown out the noise of a love lost?

In searching for one answer, I've been left with many more questions that have no answers.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Struggle

I'm haunted by a love that apparently isn't going to die. Just when I think it has faded, things start happening again that appear to be some sort of cosmic torture methods to stir the love around in my heart. Songs that are out of place, names of people, phrases that I've never heard anyone else say, and more all start popping up randomly one right after the other. 2 months went by with nothing, then it started again.

I've come to the conclusion that all I can do is live the life I have today, without thinking about what may come in the future. Still, I wonder that I am doing the right thing. Yes, I am living my personal life in a way that feels very natural and amazing - yet, I cannot really give my heart to those who want it. It seems like a betrayal. I'm told there is a lot of patience, but what the teller doesn't seem to realize is that's what they've all said. And yes, it is a "different" situation at this moment, but they've all been "different" in one way or another.




What am I supposed to do? I can't put my life on hold, refuse to date, and just wait to see what happens. I'm not afraid of being alone, I just don't believe people are meant to "pine away" for years and years for something that could easily not be real to the other person.


I'm sorry. To both of you. And to those of you who fell at the mercy of my heart in the last few months. I'm not trying to make this happen. It just keeps happening.




Sometimes in the quiet night, I still hear you
Sometimes in the sun's pure light, I still feel you

Not wishing with you I could stay
Not wishing you would go away

Wondering if you think of me too
Wondering who gets to be close to you

Knowing now is not the time
Knowing my heart is far from prime

Existing for today, and maybe tomorrow
All the while with heavy sorrow

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

High Femmes Having Fun!




Sexy Sims Wahoo!

This cracks me up. I think I have a weird sense of humor. :)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

HNT - Last of this Series

I get lots of comments on my eyes. They are sometimes darker, sometimes brighter, sometimes bluer, sometimes greener, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes horny....so here's a sampling!

(There is no sound)


My Eyes from sxy chikadee on Vimeo.

So that's the end of "up my body"
Stay tuned for the next series (hopefully): Blush...

Appreciate the others at Views from the Back Row

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Pleasurists #24

My first review on this site is listed. I had a video too! :)


posvoid

from www.positivevoid.co.uk found via Art or Porn


Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #23? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #25? Submit it here before Sunday April 19th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.


Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.



Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St.Syr


On to the reviews…


Editor’s Pick



  • Smart Balls by Eliot Bodem

  • [P]lacing them as is shown in the little instruction booklet left me feeling that they were always in danger of falling out. But now that I think about it, I suppose that’s the point; you instinctively clench around the balls and that works the PC muscle.


    Editor’s Note: I try to pick posts which are not only well-written but also which are somehow unique or unusual and make me desire to own the toy being reviewed. While I’ve seen many reviews of the Fun Factory Smart Balls I thoroughly enjoyed the sense of discovery in this review and it made me want to try them.


Vibrators



Dildos



Lube & etc.



BDSM/Fetish



Adult Books



Adult Movies/Porn



Storage



Miscellaneous



Pleasurists adult product review round-up banner

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Selfish Dreams?

I have been blessed with 2 beautiful children. They are well-behaved, courteous, loving and the best of friends. They are a very positive product of a extremely negative situation. I am so grateful.

Both of my pregnancies were very difficult. In the first, I was "sent to bed" (bed rest) for 16 of 40 weeks because of increasingly strong contractions. Then I was in "active" labor for about 26 hours and gave birth vaginally to a child with a 19" head who wasn't breathing. Now a couple of years later, she still has a big head, but her smile and heart are what are easily seen as enormous.

In my second pregnancy, I made it to week 29 before the contractions started. They were much stronger than in the first pregnancy. I walked around for 9 weeks having at least 2 contractions that measured 70-95 on a non-stress test every hour. Then during delivery of that child, my blood pressure dropped to critical levels twice. She was born with a small birth defect that has delayed her neurological development. Still, even though she definitely lives in her own little world, she has an immeasurable kindness and radiant love.

I shouldn't get pregnant again. Ever. My children need their mother and pregnancy is a serious risk to my health. Plus: Why would I want to have more children when I am so very blessed with the ones I have?



I don't know why, but I crave being pregnant and having more children. It feels so selfish because I know of so many people who just want the chance to be pregnant and have 1 baby, and I've done it twice.

Last night I had a dream that I was starting to go into labor and needed to get to the hospital. In my dream, there were so many people and situations that kept me from getting to the hospital to have my baby. I was having very strong contractions and I knew it was time for me to have a baby, but it was like no one would let me just go have it.


Today the kids got up and "found" their Easter baskets, I made strawberry pancakes, and soon we will go outside and "hunt" eggs. It is a beautiful day to spend with my children, yet my dream from last night is haunting me to the point of having to restrain myself from crying.

I just want to know why. Why do I want another baby when I am already so blessed with 2? Why do I have this want when my body isn't meant for it? Why am I so selfish that my dreams are selfish?

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

HNT: Lips +

Took a break from HNT because I needed to get some other things done before posting one, but now I'm back. :)

I've been posting a series of pics that started with my feet (shoes) and moved up my body so that the last picture I posted was the top of my back & shoulders.

I thought I'd post a picture of my lips next...but then I found this picture, and realized it would be a shame to crop it down to only my lips. (Taken NYEve 2008)

(Number 10 of the series)


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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Totally Fuckable Tuesday - Leisha Hailey



Ummm...
Duh.

Thank you Beautiful Dreamer

Sunday, April 5, 2009

"Friends"

Facebook and Myspace are getting increasingly annoying. Yes, they have been great to reconnect with some old friends. BUT

I am continuously getting friend requests from people I either a) don't really know at all or b) don't really give a crap about getting to know. 

Point A: I use those sites to actually keep in touch with my real friends. I post pictures of my children and information about my real life. I have both accounts set so that only my "friends" can see my information. Yes I realize those "friends" could easily share my pictures and information with other people: another reason why I am so picky about which friend requests I accept. 

Point B: I don't want to reconnect with people who I have never liked. I must qualify this statement with: I was relentlessly picked on by girls and boys alike ALL THE WAY through school. I was even teased at church. I was different and in this little town, different is not considered good. 
Now I get friend requests from people who were flat out mean to me. I've changed a lot since school, and I'm sure they have too. I'm not angry with those people, but memories of them are painful. 

There are many times in life when we don't get to choose those people with whom we must interact - like at work. I think that when we do get to decide, we should choose to be around people that invoke happy and pleasant feelings. So no, I'm not going to accept that former bully's friend request. 

Friday, April 3, 2009

Miserable

I really don't like arguing, but I will argue the color of the sky when I feel the need to. That being said, I think there are certain rules to arguing which adults should respect:

1. Argue only about the specific topic at hand, i.e., the color of the sky.

2. Argue only about what is currently being said, not things said 4 days ago.

3. Restrain from yelling, crying, or any other over dramatic antics.

4. Take what the person is saying as what they mean. Especially if you are dealing with me. I've never been known to hold back what I am really thinking. Logically, if I am unafraid to express my thoughts, why would I say "The car is purple", but actually mean "I hate the color purple."????

5. AND THIS IS THE BIG ONE
DO NOT attack someone personally. Do not take insecurities your adversary has confessed to you and throw them up into his/her face as part of the argument. There is just no reason for this.


When someone attacks me personally with my insecurities, I feel like a tiny little dog backed into a corner. It is hard for me to think of things to say in response, and I don't want to stoop to that level - but I feel like if I don't at least make an attempt to take a little bite back that I am being beaten down.

Example: I worry frequently about whether or not I am a good mother. (As I think all good parents are wont to do.) I express this to the people closest to me. If I am arguing with someone and he/she says something like "You are obviously not that concerned about your children because you *fill in the blank*" it makes me want to explode.

I react with whatever I can come up with that will prey on that person's insecurities, often with little visible "success." It seems I frequently find myself barely holding it together from the blows to my insecurity threshold, and when I try to strike back I'm told things like "You can't hurt me."

Oh and here's Number 6:
Don't say extreme things like "I hate you" or "I wish you would drop dead." Beyond being childish, those types of expressions leave lasting imprinted memories. Is that really what you were hoping to accomplish? That I would never forget where you were standing when you said "I hate you." Sure, you qualified it with "In this moment...", but seriously? Hate is a pretty strong word to be throwing around, even "in this moment."


Thing is, only a couple of years ago I argued this way. Then I met someone who just didn't participate. It taught me to grow up and stop acting like that in arguments. Why I'm upset now is that I've been dragged back down to that level.

I feel totally unappreciated, undesired, despised, and exhausted. I've tried to do the "right thing" by letting someone I care for not go homeless and move into my house. Even though said moving in has caused me problems with the father of my children, has caused my eldest child to feel insecure about her home, and has forced me to give up my personal space - which I had VERY little of anyway. Now that he's here and I've already sacrificed to defend him and my decision to let him move here, I've been cut down to a level of deep depression and ever-present smoldering anger.

My best girl friend told me that the "right thing to do" is what is best for me and my children. As of this moment, this situation is not the best thing for anyone in this house. (For the record, arguing has not happened in front of the children.) Yet I'm being asked to give it more time.

In the past I would have let this continue and tried to "work through" these issues. Now, I really don't want or care to "work" on any relationship. I spent my entire adult life prior to September 20, 2008, doing anything and everything I could to save romantic relationships. On that day, my life was spared and I was allowed to see for the first time that I don't NEED to be in a romantic relationship. I learned to be happy with myself. I learned that I don't have to be in any situation that encourages me to feel bad about myself.

Right now, I am miserable. By the end of today, I won't be any more.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

No HNT This Week Folks...

I'm taking a break from HNT this week. I have lots of great pictures I could use, but until I complete my first video review I REFUSE to use a weekly tag just to have a blog subject. Oh wait, I just did that anyway! :P

My first video review... well... I am a perfectionist and I can't get it just right. We'll see.

In the mean time, go ahead and




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Thursday, March 19, 2009

HNT - 1st Yard Work of the Year

I love to work in my yard. Yesterday it was sunny and in the 70's. I viciously killed an out-of-control privet shrub that was trying it's hardest to suffocate my beautiful forsythia. The privet must have been growing there for at least 4 years - well before I moved in. It took almost 3 hours, but that bastard is dead.

It was my first day of working outside this calendar year, so I got a little red on my neck and shoulders. Had I taken this picture last night it would have looked like an actual sunburn.

My shoulders & upper back are actually my favorite part of my body. They are strong and with that strength I am able to accomplish lots of physically laborious tasks without the assistance of another.

So here is Number 9 of moving up my body HNT:




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Sunday, March 15, 2009

The First Time

It was so comfortable to snuggle, my back against you, as we watched the movie from the couch. I felt your soft caresses running up my arms and playing with my hair as I lounged in a state of semi-aware.

I must have drifted off because suddenly the ending credits were rolling and the music from them startled me. I instinctively thrust my hips back to keep from falling off the couch, and found you ready and waiting for me to wake up. Your hand immediately came from my waist to my breast, tracing my nipple through my tee shirt. I could barely open my eyes, lounging in the warmth of your touch through my haziness.

You turned me toward you just enough to kiss my lips. A kiss so gentle, and yet so passionate my toes curled. Your hand stroked the side of my face, coaxing my eyes open. I saw your brown eyes turn to amber as you whispered

I want to make love to you

Scooping me up, you carried me into the bedroom, gently placing me on the edge of the bed. You knelt at the bottom of the bed, taking off my socks, then pants - undressing me with joy brimming over in your eyes. You stood asking me "May I have this too?" I nodded as you slowly pulled my tee shirt over my head, leaving my exposed breasts and white cotton panties.

You gently took my chin in your hand, tilting my mouth to yours. My arms encircled your neck. Soft kisses full of love and desire went from my lips, to my neck, to my shoulders, to my breasts and down my stomach. Your knees were on the bed as you leaned over me.

Hold on to me baby.

With my arms wrapped around you, you shifted us both up the bed so that my head rested on a pile of pillows. You started kissing my neck again, trailing your tongue down to my nipples, tracing them slowly- savoring the taste of me. You found the top of my panties with your mouth, asking again "May I have these?" You slid my panties down my bent legs, tracing their path down my right leg with your tongue.

You knelt between my legs, tracing my wetness with a soft touch of your finger, your other hand tracing the curves of my chest and stomach, your eyes hypnotizing mine.

Your face came to mine, our lips brushing with eyes wide open. I pulled your shirt from you so I could feel your skin against mine. You rested there, on me, but not yet in me. Swirling memories of gentle kisses, whispers of adoration, feather touches on my skin, your breath on my face, the honesty of your eyes.

I welcomed you into me slowly, eyes connected, minds entangled. We moved together in the most natural of ways without haste or goals. Your eyes stayed with me with every thrust, one of my hands joined with yours, the other holding your face.

As the heat started traveling the length of my body, I saw your face flush and heard your breath quicken. In a solitary moment, everything that had seemed impossible was real. We felt our souls connect as our orgasms escaped, you giving me yourself in a way we didn't know could happen. The most beautiful moment of my sexual life.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

HNT - number 8

(of the series)


Up the chest to the neck(lace). H is not my initial... :)








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Confidence

Today I went to see a new counselor. Some of you know why. This was at the free clinic - well, at least I will probably qualify for it being free because of my low income. Anywho...

The counselor ran through about 12 or so pages of yes, no, or one-word answer questions. Not long after, "Do you have a history of depression in your family?" she asks


What is your sexual orientation?


I made a little face because I wasn't sure "queer" would be accurate from her own interpretation of it. She said, "You know like straight, gay, bisexual." Hmmmm Well....

"I'm queer and I say that because I am attracted to people that don't fall under the traditional labels of man or woman."

Her face reflected both confusion and a little panic. It wasn't fear - She just had absolutely no idea what to say.

She is a sweet woman who was kind and is probably going to be a great person to talk to about my "issues." But...let's be fair: I live in East Tennessee. Her apparently decent heart persona warranted a gentle explanation.

"You see, I am in a relationship with a male-identified person who is female-bodied."

She paused and processed momentarily, and turned to her desk to write some notes.



Thing is, I just came out to my uncle and his wife. They made a point to tell me how much they love me and always will no matter who I love. My immediate family (siblings, parents, older nieces/nephews) knows I'm not straight, but they don't all know about my new partner.

My mother does know. Today when we spoke she asked me a question about my partner and started to say "she", but then changed it to "he." Then she asked me which he prefers - which would "make him or her more comfortable." Again, I am so blessed.

So when the counselor asked me my "orientation", it didn't even occur to me to lie. See, at the end of the day I know the people who love me, love me for who I am. I don't lie about who I am to those I trust. Some betray that trust, but I forgive them - because at least I was being who I really am.

This confidence comes from not only being with a partner who wants me for the way I really am, but from my family's support and kindness.

So if you are with someone who wants you to change things about you that aren't necessary for your health, go find someone who really wants you.

And if someone in your family is "different", be sure to tell them how much you celebrate their differences and love them.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

3 of 3 HNT

The last of the little white lacy tank shots... the 7th shot of my "up my body" series.





I see more than 2 arms...




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Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Loved with Secrets

Yesterday I got home from a 6 day trip with my children and my aunt to see her brother and his wife. My aunt lives here in my home small town and the uncle/wife live about 300 miles away.

My aunt, R, is an ultraconservative woman with strong Christian convictions. She is very well educated and very well read of the Bible. She is loving, kind and generous. We do not always agree on things, but she is respectful of our differences.

M's wife, E, is a child and family counselor. She has published 3 books while working for various state, private and charitable organizations. She is witty and compassionate. E has been married to M for about 19 years.

My uncle, M, has a PhD. in special education and directs one of the largest special education school districts in the country. He taught me from an early age to appreciate those with special needs as unique individuals. He is also well traveled around the world, and once met Gandhi's wife while living on a commune in India. He is more of a father to me than his brother has ever been.

I have never told R about my sexual orientation, and I don't really think she has any ideas about it. I assume she will find out one day and I hope it doesn't made her truly sad and worried for me. She did actually meet my ex-girlfriend at a family gathering I hosted, but I'm not so sure she understood what was going on. She was really there for me when I had to leave my ex-husband. Still, she would think I have been possessed or am intoxicated constantly if she knew.

I decided before this trip that I would tell M and his wife E about my sexual orientation. I wanted ask E for her advice on dealing with my ex-husband. He makes inappropriate sexually charged statements. He has also been condescending and making small threats about my romantic relationship. It is difficult to handle.

E and I went for a walk while R & M took kids to the movies. I told her a lot. More than I thought I would. I explained what it was like to have crushes on girls and women when I didn't know anyone that did. I revealed private emotional reasons I have about why I have made some big mistakes while not being who I really am.

She told me that families shouldn't have secrets. She then made a point to tell me about many GL friends she has. Considering her location is another southern state close to mine, she has quite a few non-straight friends.

At one point in our discussion, I told E about my current partner - a FTM. She said she didn't really understand why I would be attracted to a male when I had just told her I am much more attracted to women than men. She paused, smiled and said, "But it doesn't really matter if I understand." She was wonderful.

I told E she could tell M about our discussion, and that I would talk to him about it myself if I had the chance. I didn't have the chance and I wasn't sure she told him until...

The morning we were to leave, he came to me away from everyone else and said

I am so proud of you. I will love you no matter who you are or who you love. You are a wonderful mother and person. You are doing a great job with your children.


I am so blessed.

E is right:
Families shouldn't have secrets.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

HNT - Take you to the other side

The flip side of last week's post...with a hand lent by Sir.





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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Prejudice Part 2 - Gender

It's taken me a while, but here is the second installment of my Prejudice series.

I am a female-bodied woman. The greatest influences in my childhood were two very strong women: my mother and my paternal grandmother.

My grandmother was widowed at a relatively young age and never remarried. She had a large house with over an acre of yard that she kept maintained better than most parks you have to pay to see. She also kept a large garden that she plowed and managed by herself. She worked hard at her job and was well known and respected in our small town community. She had a grace and dignity that I have never seen in any other person. She never raised her voice – she never had to. She commanded respect because of her respect for other people.

My mother worked very hard at a very physically and emotionally demanding job, while her husband (my biological father) contributed very little to the household. While working 60 hours a week, and with two adolescent children, my mother went back to college and graduated magna cum laude. She taught me that I could overcome any obstacle with my own strength – including an abusive marriage. (Again, another topic for another day.)

The main similarity in these two remarkable women is that they never let anyone tell them their actions depended on them being female. Both of them took care of things that needed to be taken care of – whether or not they had help. I grew up knowing I could do anything a male-bodied person can do, specifically that being a woman does not limit my potential.

As a young adult, I entered the wonderful world of law at a solo practitioner's office in this same small town. I started off as a file clerk and worked my way up to the highest position available short of becoming an attorney. I'm very good at law. It makes sense to me and I really enjoy studying it. That office is where I saw some of the very worst gender prejudice of my life.

I was often referred to as “that little curly headed girl at (attorney's name)'s office.” Men would come in for a professional legal consultation-type meeting with me and say things like, “Oh it's a shame you are married. Are you sure I can't take you to lunch?” and, if they had only previously communicated with me via phone or email, “Well, isn't this a pleasant surprise. Pretty and smart.”

I knew what I was doing. My boss and most other legal professionals treated me with great respect because they also knew I knew what I was doing. Still, those comments served their purpose quite well: they stripped me from my knowledge and left me with my looks and leaving me feeling that only my looks were “worthy” of note. By the time I left that office, I had started deliberately wearing very plain clothing, pulling my hair into a bun, and attempting to look at boring as possible. Not that I was previously wearing provocative clothing – I just decided I couldn't really be myself if I wanted to be respected. This is part of the reason I don't work there any more.

What bothers me are incorrect expectations of gender: Women can't be smart and pretty. Men can't be strong and sensitive. If you are transgendered you are expected to be all and none of those descriptions at the same time.

At what point will our society stop forcing individual expectations on people based on gender?

Dictionary.com:
prejudice: (definitions 2 &3)
2. any preconceived opinion or feeling, either favorable or unfavorable.
3. unreasonable feelings, opinions, or attitudes, esp. of a hostile nature, regarding a racial, religious, or national group.


Of course we will never be able to rid ourselves completely of preconceived opinions and I don't claim to be without such. What I propose is that you make a conscious effort to set those prejudices aside and attempt to relate to individuals rather than genders.

To see what prejudices you really have you need to observe yourself observing others. Pick a day when you will be out in public, among lots of people you don't know – like at a mall. Sit and watch the people go by. Recognize your expectations from those people purely based on their gender.

But it's more than knowing your own limitations. It's about treating people with respect, regardless of their gender.

It is important to me that my children know they don't have to do or not do anything because of their genders. I will feel I have been successful as parent if my children grow to a place where they are sensitive to the fact that everyone is not the same - That people are all different on the inside no matter what gender they are on the outside. That all people are of value and deserve to be treated as such.

As a person who cares intimately for a transgendered person, I frequently see the expectations of people and how much those expectations hurt someone who doesn't meet them.

We all want to feel accepted and loved. It isn't your place or mine to judge someone's character by their appearance, including their gender appearance. That is prejudice.

Monday, February 23, 2009

MicroFantasy Monday - Waterside

We pull the boat over to a wooded vacant shore. The day's party is forcing a "bathroom break." Everyone scrambles to claim their part of the woods. You follow me into the woods, ignoring my protests of modesty.

I'll wait over here.

When I finish and look, you aren't there. I start back toward the boat, wondering why you left me. I'm getting irritated that you insisted on following me, but then didn't wait for me.

Suddenly you step out from behind a group of 3 large trees, grabbing my arm. As I gasp in surprise, your lips find mine, sucking the gasp from my mouth. The bark scratches my bare stomach as you push me against a tree, your hands tugging down my bikini bottom.





Friday, February 20, 2009

Purple Surrender

I really love purple. It is somewhat extreme actually, especially for someone who likes to work on house projects with power tools, rake leaves and push mow the yard (even though I'm not great at all that.)

So imagine my joy in using a purple flogger. Seeing the purple cause the red. Hearing the purple cause the gasps. Smelling the scent. Touching the welts. Tasting...

It would have been nice if the collar had been purple. It really was a little comical looking to me. That didn't subtract from the pulse through my spine as I jerked it down and back with the leash.

I would love to fuck in a dark purple room. Like deep violet. Oh, with silky purple sheets so I when I push you down, you can't really resist - You just slide wherever I put you.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

HNT - Working my way up

You probably haven't noticed, but since my HNT post on 01/14/09, I've been working my way up my body in posts. First it was shoes, then legs, then hip, then more hip (stretch marks). So today I present:

Lower back




I could fix it with a photo editor, but I think I like how the light catches more in some places than others - or maybe it's some sort of focus issue. Whatever. I really need a camera.

AND

I wasn't going to use this one and was going to go with upper abs instead, but someone (ERIN LEONE) said he likes lower backs and then honored me with a mention...

AND

I AM NOT A TEASE!!!!

Oh, and this officially confirms
Baby got back. :)


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Monday, February 16, 2009

Totally Fuckable Tuesday - Olivia Wilde

I have watched "House" pretty faithfully since it began because I've always thought the character House to be just so sexy in a bad-guy kinda way.

Then the cast changed, and now House pales in comparison to his co-star, Olivia Wilde.

I even bought a magazine about something I am not really interested in because she was on the cover.

Yeah... wouldn't you have?

I much prefer her as a brunette, although since she is a natural blonde I thought I should let you decide for yourself.











Credit to Beautiful Dreamer for starting me on TFT. It's a great idea. Seriously. What a great excuse to post pictures of hot people I'd shag on my page? ;)

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Purple Tulips - Microfantasy Monday #4

We were good after the first date, restraining ourselves to only serious kissing. When we realized we both had the next night free, we immediately made plans.

I drove over to your house, anticipatory wetness seeping through my panties. You thought it was funny that I just threw on a tee shirt and jogging pants. I said I didn't think it was necessary to dress up when I knew the clothes were just going to land on the floor anyway.

We agreed we should eat first. You had already set the table and brought food into the dining room. I could barely look at you while we ate because of the images of you finally consuming me dancing through my mind. When I was able to look up, you would drop your eyes – you were having the same thoughts. I don't think I've ever eaten so fast in my life.

When we finished eating I grabbed my plate and headed to the kitchen. I saw the potted purple tulips sitting on the kitchen counter. They were a deep dark purple, my very favorite. I actually assumed they were a gift you had received as a house warming present, and said so. You came up behind me, wrapping your strong arms around me, whispering

They are for you - just the first of many things I have for you tonight.




Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Happily Imperfect HNT

I love posting sexy pictures and getting comments. Who doesn't like flattery? You may say you don't, but come on now - we are all insecure in some way and compliments from others boost our self esteem.

This one isn't so sexy. I tried to get a good picture of my hip stretch marks. My camera sucks, so here's what you get.




And in case you missed them....


Where did I get these marks? Pregnancy. 2 kids in under 2 years. You know what? I'm proud of these marks. Yes, I am terribly self conscious at times about them, but as time passes I grow more and more fond of them. They remind me of the joy of growing 2 human beings in my body, and of the 2 gifts I got in return for them. The greatest loves of my life.

(And I did notice my undies are on inside-out when I saw this picture. Also a lovely reminder of my mom status.)



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Sex Toys, That Company, & Blogs


I suddenly realized these are all sitting on a towel on my dresser out in the open. They weren't all used at once or on the same day, I'm just too lazy to put them away after letting them dry from cleaning. This isn't my whole collection, but yes - I do have an obvious affinity for pink. :)

I really enjoy sex toys. As my current income is ridiculously low, the only toys I have gotten in the last couple of months have been free ones from a company (see banner on right) for free.

I shop at that company for sex toys because it is the only online company I have found that specifically provides information about material safety with the product descriptions. Before finding that company I had no idea that some sex toys could be (and one actually has been) hazardous to my health. Even before I was getting free toys from said company I was recommending it to my friends and shopping there.

You will notice there are no sex toy reviews hosted here on my blog. To be perfectly honest, I don't know enough about HTML to host my reviews here rather than on that company's site. There are other companies I could offer myself to for review purposes, and I have done so, but this blog is relatively new and I have been rejected for that reason. I will likely someday post reviews here, but for now, I'm not.

There have been some problems between reviewers and that company. I have seen that company respond in ways I do not like to reviewer complaints. I have seen reviewers leave and I feel they are completely justified in doing so. Currently I have voiced concerns on the company's forums about some of the "guides" they have published on-site. I hate them and I want them changed, but I don't know exactly who to contact about that. I fully intend to keep making noise about it until something is done. I read today that there is a plan to do something about it in progress, so I'm giving them time to do that before I really start ranting.

Some people say that company is not "sex-positive" and that because of that and the problems some reviewers have had, it is not a company worthy of reviewer participation. Again, from what I have seen I don't blame those reviewers for being angry; however, at this point in my limited experience I feel the benefits of material safety information outweigh the negative experiences I have had with that company.

Last week a very influential "sex blogger" said that people shouldn't have so many toys reviews on their blogs. A couple of other influential "sex bloggers" jumped on board. All of them generally said that they hate seeing so many toy reviews, that the companies people are writing for are not "sex-positive", and that people shouldn't call themselves a "sex blogger" if the majority of their blog posts are sex toy reviews. Sex toy reviewers responded, understandably, with hurt and frustration.

Guess what? You are reading MY blog. You chose to keep reading to this point and you are more than welcome to stop reading it and move on. I write about sex related topics here, including experiences in gender, sexuality, and toys. Look at my blog roll. Those are people I respect enough to list their blogs on mine. If you actually go look at their blogs you will see an almost even mix of sex toy reviews and other sexual topics such as gender and experience.

Point: If you want to call yourself a sex blogger, a monkey blogger, or anything else, I really don't care. If you want to write about sex toys, yipee! If you want to write about your thoughts on sexism, yipee! If you don't like that company and because I advertise for them you don't want to read my posts, yipee! I'm going to read what I want and you are going to write about what you want. Am I a "sex blogger"? Probably. Are people who primarily review sex toys on their blogs "sex bloggers"? My opinion: Well, duh - they are reviewing SEX toys.

*Disclaimer: There are some sex toy reviewer blogs that are really awful. If you read a blog and the posts never mention material safety concerns, sharing issues (whether or not the toy can be safely shared), or most of the posts seem more like advertisements for a company than reviews of products - you should probably take a look at my blog roll for better reviews.*

Otherwise,
Please stop criticizing. There are lots of blogs out there about lots of different topics and I don't see why you even care about the topics of others' blog posts. Don't read them if you don't like them.

Now, as for me

I need to go do something with those toys...

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